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i came to a realisation.
no. my sister made me come to a realisation. she's going to leave for dubai early next month. and will only be coming back in time for my brother's wedding. and if we are both right, she'll get married next year too. and if she's going to leave for canada, or get married, whichever comes first, this next two weeks will be the last time she'll be living with mom and dad. the last time we'll be living together. i'm sad. but in a good way. in a i'm-gonna-miss-her-so-much-cos-i-love-her-so-much kind of way. and i'm also sad thinking of when she'll get married. also in a good way. because this past few years, we've gotten really close. and i forgot how much i depend on her for so many things. from small things like having her help me with my bad hair day to having me solve some of my problems, or just chatting while i waste some time waiting for my friends. i'm going to miss her a lot when she's gone. more now then before because i know that it'll be forever. in a way. at least previously, i know that she'll come back. this time, i'm not so sure. and if she gets her canadian pr, well... it'll be like my brother getting his australian pr. on a lighter note, mom actually agreed to me taking french lessons =) and i thought she would disapprove because of how much it costs and all. this is great! posted by ellie at 8/27/2005 08:51:00 pm
haven't being having good days lately. been dissapointing myself. in so many ways.
i'm coping. have always been coping. just feels like the stress might be getting to me a little. but that's not the point. that's not really why i feel this bad. i just have this nagging feeling like i could have done things better. or different. or that i might turn back time and go through the whole day again. i'm regretting things aren't i. i promised myself never to regret anything. i shan't regret. no more miserable thoughts. review, reflect and do not repeat my mistakes. it will be possible. i have faith in myself. posted by ellie at 8/15/2005 10:46:00 pm
alright. i'm back at square one.
i've got decisions to make. but i cant make them not knowing what i want to do first. and time is not always my friend. i have 2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 20160 minutes. 1209600 seconds. to decide. wow. posted by ellie at 8/09/2005 04:21:00 pm
the sky's still blue
and the grass's still green. but something doesn't feel quite right at the moment. like a jigsaw puzzle fitted in wrongly, a variation of a secret ingredient, a wrong chemical X a hair not in place a picture taken from a different angel. something just doesnt feel quite right. and i don't know how to say no, and when to shut up and when to even start talking and when to say what i might want to say and what to say when i have to say something i miss the silence sometimes. and the noise. posted by ellie at 8/07/2005 12:39:00 am
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