if you don't know...

what's the one thing i've been wishing hard for, which is not for myself,
where's the one place i want to explore,
what's the one thing i do when i'm angry,
what's the one incident in my past i wished never happened,
what are my views on friendship,
what characteristics present in a person that i respect the most,
where i want to go in a year's time,
what my dreams are,
what's my favourite colour,
who's the one person i go to when i have no one else,
why i like the stars,
or if i even like stars,
what i plan to accomplish at least once,
who's the one person i'd always back up,
what i like to do for fun,
what family means to me,
what i like to do when i have absolutely nothing to do,
who i am thinking of,

what are my views on love,


...at least one of the above with absolute certainty,

then you don't know me. what you know is what you perceive of me. an idealised version me.

i am not what you envision, if you don't know at least some of my innermost thoughts and feelings. i am not the perfect little girl. i don't want to be that perfect little girl.

and that's why i have my ultimate dream.


i need my space.


i need to be able to be me. no strings attached.

posted by ellie at 11/16/2006 11:17:00 pm

HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!

and.. even though i'm a day late.. well, okay, two days late since it's after midnight,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE!!!

and we have to do this again. i forgot how much fun we can have together =P

posted by ellie at 11/16/2006 12:56:00 am

Somewhere Over The Rainbow

Somewhere over the rainbow isn't it amazing how you make me so deliriously happy
Way up high without knowing it?
And the dreams that you dream of and i know you are amused too.
Once in a lullaby admit it.

Somewhere over the rainbow you changed so much.
Blue birds fly as much as i've grown,
And the dreams that you dream of i see you've found a lighter side to yourself.
Really do come true and i know that

Some day I'll wish upon a star we'll have a fabulous time together.
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me because.
Where troubles melt like lemondropsfor the first time since i've known you,
High above the chimney topswe are comfortable in each other's presence.
That's where you'll find me =)
Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dream that you dream of
Once in a lullaby.

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dream of
Really do come true.

Some day I'll wish upon a star
wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where Troubles melt like lemondrops
High above the chimney tops
thats where you find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to
Why then, oh why can't I?

I see trees of green lemons, red roses too
I watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

I see skies of blue 'n clouds of white
The bright blessed of day, I like the dark
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

The colours of the rainbow, so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shakin' hands, sayin' 'How do you do?'
They're really saying 'I, I love you!'

I hear babies cryin', I watch them grow
They'll learn much more than I'll ever know
And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

Some day I'll wish upon a star
And wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemondrops
High above the chimney tops
That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dream that you dare to
Why, oh why can't I?

-----

This song is very nostalgic. It has been a long time that i've heard Louis Armstrong's version, and i find this the best version around. Perhaps in this world where everything zooms by at such a fast pace, this soothing song makes me stop. even if it's just for a little while.

So i have been thinking, the older we grow, the more people we meet. Yet, it comes with more goodbyes... and goodbyes sometimes leave this feeling of emptiness, that is just really difficult to replace. in my life, i have had only one major 'goodbye'.. and now there's one more on the way.

i welcome change. but i miss what i had before. i can't stop myself from thinking that as the days past by, i am slowly but surely losing one more person that i love. and yes. technology has made it easier to contact people. but there is a difference. to have someone beside you and know that at any one time you can find see the person is different from making the effort to contact the person.. and not know if the person is contactable.

i am not choosing another country to live in apart from the given few because it is difficult to be separated. separated by thre different continents. amazing isn't it? that when we meet up, YEARS later, we have so much to say. it hurts. truly. for me to have to type 'y-e-a-r-s'.

-----

on a happier note, i will be having an adventure of my own very soon. with strictly no rules. i am excited. of course. and yes. for various reasons. again, of course. and well, i have planned my time.. such that i will be kept very busy until i go to uni. my smart brilliant plan. of course. =)

-----

i was thinking about something. and i realise that i have strong views on it.

anyway, i don't know if i have mentioned this conversation that i had before.
someone asked me to describe my perfect guy. and i refused.
the reason: if i actually did describe my perfect guy, i would have that image of that ideal guy constantly in my mind. and when i really do meet someone who's perfect for me, but totally different from what i once deemed as perfect, i would be blind to it. and i don't ever one that to happen.

but of course.. being human.. i do like a certain type of guy.. =P well. okay. bad boys. with charisma. i don't want smooth. because it can be fake. but i have always been attracted to that attitude which screams: "i don't care about the world". when in fact they do. which explains a lot doesn't it? =)

posted by ellie at 11/14/2006 11:51:00 pm