Sometimes when you think you're in love, you're actually not. Its your desperation and desire tugging at your heart-strings. You might need someone badly, but your desparation will cause you to think that you can never live without that someone. It will seem real at that time, but we humans are made to adapt.

Sometimes love seems idealistic. We say things we never mean during that period. And after you find yourself not in love with that person anymore, you will see all the faults of the person of which love has carefully blinded.

Sometimes you heart just tells you something, and your brain another - follow your brain. You heart might not tell you the right thing; an analogy would be the demerits of Switzerlan's direct democracy policy. Think first before you do something.

Sometimes you have a good friend whom you cherish. Sometimes it goes far, sometimes its not meant to be. And sometimes, you just gotta follow your gut feeling. Life is full of 'sometimes'.

You ask me if I love you and I choke on my reply. I'd rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie. For who am I to judge you, in what you say or do? I'm only just beginning to see the real you.

*And sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much, and I have to close my eyes and hide. I wanna hold you till I die, till we both break down and cry. I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.

Romance with honest strategy leaves me battling with my pride, but through the insecurity some tenderness survives. I'm just another writer, still trapped within my truth, a hesitant prize-fighter, still trapped within my youth.

*And sometimes when we touch, ... till the fear in me subsides.

At times I'd like to break you, and drive you to your knees. At times I'd like to break through, and hold you endlessly. At times I understand you, and I know how hard you try.

I've watched while love commands you, I've watched love pass you by. At times I think we're drifters, still searching for a friend. A brother or a sister, but then the passion flares again.

*And sometimes when we touch, ... till the fear in me subsides.

i stole the above from a blog i chanced upon. okay, if u happen to own the blog, i'm really sorry! i was just really touched when i read the entry. it's as if it's speaking out to me.

the day has been alright.

worried about:
friend dying,
cousin failing,
people dying,
new school. new friends.

positivity begets all.


posted by ellie at 12/31/2004 02:36:00 pm

Alicia Keys
Karma


Weren't you the one who said that you don't want me anymore
And how you need your space and give the keys back to your door
And how I cried and tried and tried to make you stay with me
And still you said your love was gone and that I had to leave
Now you're Talking bout a family
Now you're saying I complete your dreams
Oh
Now you're sayin I'm your everything
You're confusing me
What you saying to me, don't play wit me, don't play wit me
Cause....

[Chorus:]
What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin', desirin' to come back to me
What goes around comes around
What goes up must come down
Now who's cryin, desirin', to come back

I remember when I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you til 3 o'clock in the 'morn
And when you came home you'd always have some sorry excuse
Half explaining to me like I'm just some kind of a fool
I sacrificed the things I wanted just to do things for you
But when it's time to do for me
You never come thru
Now you wanna be up under me
Now you have so much to say to me
Now you wanna make time for me
Whatcha doin to me, you're confusin me
Don't play with me don't play with me cause

[Repeat Chorus 2x]

I remember when I was sittin home alone
Waitin for you till 3 o'clock in the 'morn
Night after night knowing something goin on
Wasn't long before I be gone
Lord knows it wasn't easy believe me
Never thought you'd be the one that would deceive me
And never do what you're supposed to do
No need to approach me fool, cuz I'm over you

[Repeat Chorus]

Gotta stop trying to come back to me

[Repeat Chorus]

It's called Karma baby and it goes around




posted by ellie at 12/30/2004 11:24:00 am

Ryan Cabrera
True

I wont talk
I wont breathe
I wont move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think i dont look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
Im attached to you
Im weak
Its true
Cuz im afarid to know the awnsers
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps fallnig faster

Ive waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i wont hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life ive waiting
This is true

You dont know what you do
Everytime you walk into the room
Im afarid to move
Im weak
Its true
Im just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

Ive waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life ive waited

This is true

I know when i go ill be on my way to you
The way thats true

Ive waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing thats true
So i will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life ive waitied

This is true


posted by ellie at 12/18/2004 03:19:00 pm

uh oh.. friday is the day when the pae results are out. which means i will finally know which school i'm posted to for the next 3 months.. ok. maybe more like 2 and a half months. and it is a big deal.

somehow i know at the back of my mind that i won't be posted to my first 2 choices. both same school but different streams. or maybe i'm just trying to disillusion myself so that i won't be entirely depressed when i get to know my results. online. at 10am. on the 17th of december.

alright. i'm still really hoping that i'll get into my 1st choice.. but.. sighs..

posted by ellie at 12/16/2004 01:08:00 pm

i've just learnt that what was worse than being to hopeful and acting extremely pathetic is the direct opposite - having absolutely no hope at all.

cos to have no hope means u have nothing to look forward to everyday. that means that life becomes bleak and monotonous. and it ultimately means that u find u have no purpose in life and begin to doubt ur purpose on earth. entirely depressing really.

but there were two things which got me down to this lower-than-low state. him and the results. i'll say it again: entirely depressing. and to top it all of, i realised i have insomnia. how great ain't it? i go to bed every night exhausted yet awake for hours and wake up every morning feeling like i just slept on a rock. not a very nice feeling at all. the rest of the day then feels like some thick fog and i return to my routine. it all started weeks ago i guess. when i came to an almost shocking realisation that the next few months will determine the rest of my life. i didnt want to know that but i did. and now i feel pathetic. hopeless. and very very depressed.

on a more upbeat note, my mum's birthday is tomorrow. that's good. a day for me to unwind. cake, ice cream and the whole package. great.

trying to be optimistic. trying really hard.

posted by ellie at 12/13/2004 02:44:00 pm