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today was eventful. but not in a good way.
stress. that topic came up in class again today. i guess that's just some of the things that a student can't run away from. you've got to deal with it. heads on. that doesn't mean i'm not freaked out though. i let out part of a skeleton out of the closet today. never the whole thing though. never did. i don't think i ever will. and i did what i hate doing most. posted by ellie at 9/27/2005 10:25:00 pm
late nights do not sit very well with me. they have a particularly disasterous effect on me the very next day. and a few days after that. so, i should stop. i should. but i don't think i'll be doing that anytime soon. at least not today.
i should also study. i'm in a freaking-out mood already. i will. as soon as i have exhausted all excuses i have for myself with regards to the usage of my computer. and handphone. and all those gadgets that do nothing but distract me. and i will do that very soon. *the computer is not my life. the computer is not my life. the computer is not my life.* maybe if i say this a few more times, i'd actually believe it. or, i could smash the com. or. through some weird means, hypnotise myself. so, despite this 'busy' life i lead, i love life. posted by ellie at 9/25/2005 08:26:00 pm
she left two days ago. before dawn on a thursday morning.
and i didn't even send her off. because i was too lazy to get out of bed. she came in to say goodbye. and i didnt even say anything back. although i heard every word. then she left. and left a note. she said that maybe the reason it was so easy to inform them of her plans was that the fact might have not registered in them yet. they have not realised how soon she'd leave. and for how long. she's wrong. because they registered it very well. i haven't though. i still can't accept it. this time it just seemed too final. posted by ellie at 9/17/2005 10:04:00 pm
yesterday was a not-so-good day.
well. that was over. so today, is a better day. i just realised how amazingly productive it was to actually study in school. hmmm. and i guess that study bug followed me all the way home, because i was doing work up till 11pm. non-stop. of course with the occasional glance at the tv. but i actually did work! wow =) posted by ellie at 9/13/2005 11:18:00 pm
this is getting mentally exhausting.
maybe you could stop for a while? give me some room to breathe? and i'm not even talking about studies. posted by ellie at 9/09/2005 11:52:00 pm
"Ignorance is Bliss"
how true. secrets don't trickle out or spill out they gush out too fast too quickly until the only thing you can do is surrender yourself to the 'truth' and drown in them. and almost immediately the world changes things can never be as they were before pure white innocent. no. those were all lies. half truths exagerrated stretched it's amazing how people build facades day after day but facades crumble too leaving the broken pieces shattered scattered. and these pieces prick it gets deep under the skin hurting constantly a tiny reminder. we are all actors. and the world's a stage we move around silently in our own little world a bubble but there are no audiences almost. meaningless acting excessive politeness useless chatter they do not heal the wound or cover it up. they worsen it like salt. a scar is left. a crack right through the centre a dent unrepairable hopefully. almost. If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain. If I can ease one life the aching, Or cool one pain, Or help one fainting robin Unto his nest again, I shall not live in vain. -emily dickinson posted by ellie at 9/05/2005 09:47:00 pm
been having a couple of bad days since i last fell ill.
actually a lot. too many in too short a time. i'm pretty sure it's because i haven't completely recovered. and that i haven't regained the energy that i've lost. or i might have just been delusional. and that this is a horrid excuse. 4 days in 3 weeks. pretty harsh i must say. and i know exactly what they were all about. nasty. posted by ellie at 9/02/2005 11:38:00 pm
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