I have returned. Perhaps I have had enough of this disappearing act. Perhaps not. I know, however, that if i really wanted to disappear, I would.

I've returned to try to live my life the way it was. To just continue on with my own life, despite everything else. I am strong, I know. Yet, with every day that passes, it has taken a toll on me. I am not trying to be melancholic. I honestly do not know what I want anymore. Perhaps for a little while, I need to reflect on my life. I have always kept myself busy to run away from any problems, but now, I want to try a different method.

In more sense than one, any barriers that were once built, has now been violently destroyed. Whether or not it is a good thing, one has yet to let time pass to let one decide the consequences of this. Ultimately, in this short span of time, I have learnt more than I ever wanted to - perhaps. Things I have never thought of before has been dissected to the very basis of what it is, and built up again with a clear understanding of what it means, or at least one hopes so. This whole process of dissecting and rebuilding, countless of times, in so little time, takes lots of effort. Yet, it humbled me.

My thoughts are not clear. It hasn't been for a long time. And whether what i have written in the past fifteen minutes makes any sense, has yet to be seen. I want no sympathy, and ironically, i think, for a moment at least, I need to be alone.

posted by ellie at 4/02/2007 11:59:00 pm