when am i ever going to learn that the world does not revolve around me. the events that i deem important to me and the memories that are etched in my memories forever are not the same ones that everyone else care about. and those nitty gritty details that i remember, that i would want the other party to remember too may be minute events that occur in the other party's life, one that the other party takes absolutely no notice of.

so when am i ever going to learn that the things i feel and think about constantly, will not be something that anyone else even cares about. i go through this time and time again, each time with a certain different factor, but it all boils down to the same thing, it won't matter to someone else.

when am i going to learn that things cannot always go my way. i can hope and pray but if things are meant to follow a certin route, one of which i am excluded, i am hopeless to change it. maybe this hard of an impact about the things i did, or did not do, teaches me a very important thing - IT doesn't matter. it doesnt matter what IT is. IT simply doesn't matter. not in my life anyway.

others have better things to do. i am just one of those unlucky ones who ponder over things to much... i read too much into everything when there is nothing to be read at all. it is all like an unwritten book. i can think of what MAY be written on each and every paper that makes up the pages of the book, but if there is nothing written there in the first place, what i think i read was all only in the imagination. a dream. an unforgettable one. one with bits and pieces of reality dumped on it.

i'm learning a difficult lesson right now - there is a huge, bold, red line between fantasy and reality. what begins as a fantasy will remain a fantasy. what begins as a reality may seem like a fantasy, but, as luck would have it, the joy and pain felt would be real.

posted by ellie at 1/16/2005 02:35:00 pm