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phew. it has been a tiring few days since my brother came back. not that i'm complaining of course. just that i could do with a little bit more rest. on the bright side, i get to see BIG, pretty, shiny diamonds!!! =)
posted by ellie at 12/18/2005 09:45:00 pm
why is it that things get so complicated
when it doesn't always have to be when the answer to simplicity screams in your face? would things have been easier if speculation had not arisen when all that counted was what happened and not what you wish or want to happen? why do words hurt so much when a single one brings about so little meaning but a whole bunch, when repeated, stabs you and could almost kill? why is it so difficult to stop doing something you know you shouldn't yet you want to so bad so much so that it destroys what you deem important? how could you rise from when you fell? unhurt. posted by ellie at 12/06/2005 09:26:00 pm
sometimes things you'd never expect comes right back and hits you right smack in the face. i had 2 of such experiences in the span of one week. and it's pretty emotional to say the very least. i did not shed tears uncontrollably. it's more that i felt some pretty strong emotions and they were beyond overwhelming.
i hold strong to the believe that things happen for a reason. and i guess friday was one of it. i had too many things going for me. way too many that i can handle before i collapse. and the person i found comfort in was someone i should have expected but just never thought of at the point in time. i'm glad things worked out well. thank you. from the bottom of my heart. the other thing was not as pleasent. but also something that i should have expected from the beginning. well, circumstances led to things being the way they are. and now, things are not a mess. but definitely not a perfect rosy picture either. at the very least, it's not like before. not because it cannot continue like before. but because it's difficult for me to allow it to be. and when things happen, it's difficult to pick up the peices and continue on just as if nothing ever happened. i know i cannot do that. it would hurt too much. and it's harder for me to just turn around and walk away. so here i am. stuck before two options. of which i am willing to choose neither. but if need be, i'd walk away. it's just less complicated that way. sometimes you just need a loud and peircing wake up call to stir you from the depth of a fuzzy dream you claim to be reality. i got one. now i'm wide awake and shaken. posted by ellie at 12/04/2005 11:35:00 pm
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