tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56555022012-02-16T22:01:19.018+08:00whispers in the darkellienoreply@blogger.comBlogger1381100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-81592069981872186342010-03-19T10:08:00.003+08:002010-03-19T10:11:13.204+08:00

happiness is a state that must be worked for to be achieved.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-55347698242512932292009-01-29T01:24:00.002+08:002009-01-29T02:03:43.519+08:00

shocking. it is difficult trying to comprehend something that is incomprehensible. but most things are incomprehensible because of the reluctance to comprehend it. because in a world where posibilities are infinite, (for lack of a better cliche) one should always expect the unexpected. until of course the unexpected occurs. then the perception of the world changes. the worst part about knowing

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-5648811556630066782009-01-01T16:51:00.002+08:002009-01-01T17:22:04.680+08:00

it is the new year.as time slowly creeps upon us, i'm more fearful of the seconds that pass us by - afraid that during some unforeseen moment, the future would materialise and scream at me in the face, and the hands of time would knock me out of my reverie (present only because of my self-instilled forceful ignorance) and demand a well thought out plan for the rest of my life.but i am grateful

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-32198405765121925612008-10-11T20:50:00.000+08:002008-10-13T20:53:25.518+08:00

pinkbrightbrilliantappleheartssweetdarkjewelsunsetrainbowdoublewoodstarsoothe

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-16132442908079402352008-09-18T23:49:00.003+08:002008-09-18T23:55:56.021+08:00

because it is arbitrary, it doesn't matter what it is or when it is so, but rather, how and why it is as it is. that some things require no form of origin, and needs no explanation in itself. and that the best way to sustain its worth is in the way it is handled. that sometimes, what happens next matters more than what happened. that falling into an abyss is as much a response in itself, a valid

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-65134902758329869792008-09-09T23:34:00.002+08:002008-09-09T23:44:05.474+08:00

i understand the need for thoughts. but this never-ending stream of words in my head does nothing to help me think. i am impeded from thinking by my own thoughts. eventually, all of this just becomes a one-sided conversation. me to no one.a jumbled mess. that's what it is. too many things are bothering me. and i can't even list them down.can time stop for me? can i have things just the way it is.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-52388502791603670472008-08-11T00:34:00.002+08:002008-08-11T00:37:01.992+08:00

why do i sometimes feel that everyone around me is in on a secret except me? that, when something that doesn't seem right occurs, they assume that it's the most natural thing on earth. and while i expect nothing more than an explanation, when none is given, i expect nothing less than to uncover the truths that have been hiding from me all this while.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-78474039016156296772008-07-17T18:30:00.002+08:002008-07-17T21:26:09.757+08:00

Recently I have switched back to a more primitive form of expressing my thoughts: pen and paper. It is somewhat therapeutic and mildly elating to see the page after page being filled up with mindless ramblings, even if those topics of ramblings are nothing new. I'd like to say though, that those late night writing sessions do more for me than keep me up at night, but unfortunately, they fail to

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-41451814134579563742008-07-10T00:20:00.002+08:002008-07-10T00:22:59.643+08:00

deliriously happy. =)a wonderful day to remember.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1773134089943630912008-07-06T01:12:00.002+08:002008-07-06T01:24:53.132+08:00

nothing stays buried forever. no matter how deep or how well hidden it may be. secrets, being secrets, are always revealed, in some form or another. and maybe this is for the better. what might sound completely life-shattering in the catacombs of one's own mind, could very well be lost in the real world, the words barely heard in the winds, hardly echoing, not noticed by the people who hears them.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-10875255346809482002008-07-02T02:06:00.000+08:002008-07-02T02:07:57.121+08:00

i'm deliriously happy...=)

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-50548083494668985442008-06-07T01:02:00.003+08:002008-06-07T01:09:05.448+08:00

loneliness,is more than just having no one around you,or being in a crowd but still feeling like an alien,or even being unable to emotionally connect with the people around you.it is knowing who the people you need around you at that moment are,but not being able to be near them.and to need to hug someone,but can't.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-45793992644923808322008-06-03T15:07:00.001+08:002008-06-03T15:08:26.281+08:00

the wait. the uncertainty. patience was never really one of my virtues.gotta find something new.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-3620468132151019762008-06-01T22:31:00.004+08:002008-06-03T15:10:07.197+08:00

shocking. it has become chaotic overnight.too much thoughts.too much information / or lack thereof.too many suggestions.too many people.too big.too little time.too ambitious.too new.too expensive.too little experience.and i'm just an audience, watching as the scene unravels.*but waiting in anticipation.it gets so exciting when something unexpected begin to take its form.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-15471523204786464422008-05-14T01:40:00.003+08:002008-05-14T01:54:25.569+08:00

time: 0141hsometimes i get an overwhelming rush of emotions, especially at around this time. when the house is all quiet, when there's hardly a sound made, except by the nails that periodically hit the keys on the keyboard, the occasional motorbike or car zooming by, but very muffled because it is heard at a distance. otherwise, silence. complete silence.but while i love the silence, which is

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-23852988918300468462008-05-05T00:40:00.003+08:002008-05-05T01:20:24.114+08:00

it took me so long to figure out the meaning of something i've heard so often. but i understood it just a few days ago, and the realisation punched me hard. it was not that i was affected by it per se, rather, that after finding the context that encapsulates the meaning in its entity do i finally realise the true potential of the words i have so often heard.words may mean so many things, and it

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-42214057219135626962008-05-01T21:37:00.003+08:002008-05-02T01:17:32.457+08:00

a little perturbed..to realise that i am capable of something. to be put so close to the boundary of reason, and to even consider toeing that boundary...that aside, i braved something which i have been putting off for a few years now. and i find that it's not too bad. i survived, and i don't think it hurt too much. time doesn't heal all wounds, but it sure numbs the sting quite a bit.everytime i

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-4001878982797201822008-04-25T02:54:00.002+08:002008-04-25T02:57:52.337+08:00

the end. and a new beginning.extroverted introvert. fearfully brave. new/old.i learnt something new. which has surprised me time and again. and despite that, i still find it new.laughs. smiles. tears. hugs. and a never ending stream of memories.the best thing about a mixed/shaken/jiggled life.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-12935857340912769872008-02-23T18:11:00.002+08:002008-02-23T18:15:32.967+08:00

it was a bitter sweet eventful week.on another (or maybe the same) note, i found what i wanted to find. and i amaze myself. though i am not too sure if it is good or bad.the week was longer and shorter than i expected it to be.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-45431245752628201282008-02-13T21:23:00.002+08:002008-02-13T23:23:08.388+08:00

Some things are mere illusions.Is there a way of knowing why certain thoughts dominate others? What defines us? Our thoughts or our actions? And what hurts more - knowing that the dreams you had were never meant to be fulfilled, or not even knowing if those dreams you had was a way to counter your actions in reality? If it is the latter, than aren't those dreams worthless, since those dreams were

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-74399009882648943232007-12-23T13:28:00.000+08:002007-12-23T14:01:52.787+08:00

it's funny how i only realised now how beautiful the malay language is.after years of denying it, choosing instead to learn some other foreign language, i now want to immerse myself in the language that my parents have, for so long, wanted me to be fluent in. and this new-found respect i have for the malay language ironically surfaced when i was miles away from home, and miles away from any

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-20861654913804167582007-12-18T00:06:00.000+08:002007-12-18T00:38:13.174+08:00

when weakness does not signify an underlying courage or a hidden and undiscovered strength, it is simply it, weakness, how do you rise from it? and when weakness weakens itself further through the barely bearable facades of unattested fortitude, or worse, none of such facades at all, but through itself, how can you rise above? and what if the realisation of this absolute lack of power stems from

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-12130752630510572802007-09-01T00:47:00.000+08:002007-09-01T00:53:30.745+08:00

got reminded of a dream i once had.which is unattainable as of now.it took me a while to figure where i'm heading. now that i'm on that path, i don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. so in the darkness, i'm thinking that perhaps, i need a new journey.it is ironic, isn't it? how one can feel so lost when one is right where one needs to be.i was self-evaluating.i still am.i'm waiting for the

ellienoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-32463460448360767262007-08-27T18:30:00.000+08:002007-08-27T18:35:42.824+08:00

it takes perhaps only a whisper of the truth for you to realise certain things - that are common to all, but somehow you fail to see it.that aside,life is new.i am adjusting.however that might turn out.panic attacks. and while some things can be saved, others can't.if you agree to crazy stuffs, you get yourself into crazy situations.and this is not even the worst of it.yes. and no.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-14007599675508325742007-07-11T00:15:00.001+08:002007-07-11T00:15:49.631+08:00

needs no explanations.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-34413508086422626252007-07-01T01:06:00.000+08:002007-07-01T01:09:09.680+08:00

conflicting emotions. hate it.sick. literally.thinking too much about it. it will only bring me heaps of trouble.when my entries actually do make sense, tell me.in the meantime, i am happy.well, i have loads to be happy for.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-59931441084485049362007-06-22T23:21:00.000+08:002007-06-22T23:22:45.887+08:00

i get that the letters are impersonal.but they are private. and they are mine.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-24775873839873737842007-06-22T00:41:00.000+08:002007-06-22T00:52:26.889+08:00

there are some things i really want to scream out, but don't have the opportunity to do so.there are some things i want to say, but i can't find the right words.there are some things i want to get off my chest, but the situation does not permit it.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-49720776434223601032007-06-20T23:30:00.000+08:002007-06-21T00:09:55.829+08:00

don't put me in a fix because of your lies. get a life.seriously.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-56085116518048754412007-06-03T23:08:00.000+08:002007-06-03T23:49:33.898+08:00

she got out of the car with the other two. the sun has just set, and dark was beginning to consume most of what she was seeing. the first thing she noticed was a huge black sheet of metal, that acted like a gate, which was squashed between two thick, white, cement walls that ended way above her head. there was a gap between the ground and the gate, and she could see the cement flooring on the

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-36404659072690502112007-05-26T15:34:00.000+08:002007-05-26T15:47:09.289+08:00

see, the thing is, i never thought it would be this difficult. and now that i know it is, i am lost.i was presented an option, to just take a year off, and do nothing. figure my life out. at that time, it seemed great. but at that time, i never knew what my other options were. and that made a whole lot of difference.what puts me in a spot, is the fact that the reason i may have been presented

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-2620334601040062432007-05-25T22:18:00.000+08:002007-05-25T22:29:05.033+08:00

so, nothing. again. it didn't come as a shock. it was more like a brief spell of anger. 2, maybe 3 minutes max. i was thinking of the audacity and the hypocrisy, but, guess what? i expected it. it took way too long, my hopes were dashed even before i knew the truth.so now, i have half a thing keeping me here, and a thousand reasons for me to leave. a chance in a dozen? i'll go.the irony was, i'd

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-21599051483039090972007-05-20T01:32:00.000+08:002007-05-20T01:53:14.253+08:00

so, the hyperness has died, as i know it would. and now i'm wondering about things. in the wee hours of the morning.so i've changed. i know. i blame it all on one event - if i could. but see, doesn't one change because of one's self and not one's environment? one can resist change, right?maybe not. maybe i am too idealistic, filled with this incessant optimism that refuses to die. but this in

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-78109635195934026392007-05-20T00:24:00.000+08:002007-05-20T00:28:21.987+08:00

i am happy!!! =)so anyway, i am in this terribly hyper mood! hmm. i should do something about that.things are not so gloomy. there's always a way out i guess. i have to do so many stuff now. how cool is that?!happy happy happy.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-90843398583688644392007-05-12T22:38:00.000+08:002007-05-12T22:40:03.480+08:00

i am so tired. and then i remembered that i once had 8 hours of sleep in 72 hours.and it all comes back to me again. i don't think i'll get over it anytime soon.i am feeling miserable. and i can't do anything about it.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-82668571306218909292007-04-02T23:59:00.000+08:002007-04-03T00:11:31.985+08:00

I have returned. Perhaps I have had enough of this disappearing act. Perhaps not. I know, however, that if i really wanted to disappear, I would.I've returned to try to live my life the way it was. To just continue on with my own life, despite everything else. I am strong, I know. Yet, with every day that passes, it has taken a toll on me. I am not trying to be melancholic. I honestly do not know

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-25315356579981109492007-02-26T01:06:00.000+08:002007-02-26T01:16:58.541+08:00

"maybe he's here to teach you how to love but you were meant to love someone else"hey bestie.be strong. previously, whenever you said that you would walk away forever, i would have received one email... telling me what has happened, asking for my advice, asking about you.. and it would always end with a constant: a note at the end to take care of you.i'm glad that you are strong. somehow i know

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-88762726442045969402007-02-25T00:45:00.000+08:002007-02-25T00:52:49.671+08:00

i want to break through a glass window. make that a glass building. i want to crash into it at high speed and watch the whole building as it disintegrates. i want to feel like i have the power to cause such major destruction. i want to be the cause of the destruction. to harm everything in my way. i don't want to use a hammer. or a rock. or something to that effect. i want to use my fist. feel

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-18805507923599193942007-02-24T00:32:00.000+08:002007-03-09T22:43:49.611+08:00

something is wrong.i want something.it was within reach. it was so close. i could touch it. i could smell it. i could definitely see it. but i put it down. the irony. why did i do that? it was pure stupidity mixed with pride. which was diminishing by that minute anyway. i should just have gone for it. it would have been good. i know it. would i be in that position again? tohave something so close

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-68734725458887023072007-02-23T16:54:00.000+08:002007-02-23T16:56:33.092+08:00

predictability

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-60120262321047056222007-02-13T23:53:00.000+08:002007-02-13T23:35:55.780+08:00

i think..that when something occurs to you that makes you so angry, happens time and time again, you act in an extremely bizarre fashion. i, for one, laugh. i can't stop laughing. i find it highly amusing that some people have this power over you that they know just how to tick you off. everytime. doing the exact same thing all the time. being themselves.i laugh, because i can predict what would

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-71370300971343952362007-02-07T22:58:00.000+08:002007-02-07T23:05:19.693+08:00

why are we rushing our life away?i mean seriously. time passes by so quickly. and the last thing you want is to regret the choices you made in the past.hence, my 5-year plan.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-23160918598715038712007-02-04T00:50:00.000+08:002007-02-04T00:58:47.385+08:00

normal day. a surprise would be good. right about...now.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1169387794932450542007-01-21T20:07:00.000+08:002007-01-21T21:56:35.000+08:00

my lack of an entry, since i left, was not due to the lack of an internet connection. nor was it due to my lack of time. not at all. there are only so many days i can go out till late without exhaustion kicking in. i've even managed to dedicate days at a stretch for me to unwind. (though, of course, the purpose of this trip was for me to unwind in the first place.) it wasn't even due to the lack

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1166375639655789642006-12-17T21:58:00.000+08:002006-12-18T01:17:27.263+08:00

i attended 3 weddings today. yesterday. whatever. technically it was 2 weddings. the first two were the same couple. interestingly, the groom had a crush on my sis 3 years ago. and he told my mum. well, they work in the same building. my mom and that groom. but my sis was attached. so. unlucky him. the 3rd wedding was a double wedding. a brother and a sister. married on the same day. i know their

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1166127248781695302006-12-15T03:54:00.000+08:002006-12-15T04:15:30.510+08:00

don't read this.i've been feeling miserable of late. and i don't know why. heck. who am i kidding? i know exactly why i feel miserable. and i can do nothing to get rid of this feeling. i can't make myself feel better. my undying optimism has well.. finally died. or it's lost somehow, somewhere, in the swiss alps perhaps. or the pyramods in egypt. and i need to find it fast. or revive it. i

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1165858387922470712006-12-12T01:30:00.000+08:002006-12-12T01:33:07.933+08:00

hilarious!Cows With GunsDennis LearyFat and docile, big and dumbThey look so stupid, they aren't much funCows aren't funThey eat to grow, grow to dieDie to be et at the hamburger fryCows well doneNobody thunk it, nobody knewNo one imagined the great cow guruCows are oneHe hid in the forest, read books with great zealHe loved Che Guevera, a revolutionary vealCow Tse TongueHe spoke about justice,

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1165507976051544762006-12-08T00:08:00.000+08:002006-12-10T01:59:10.346+08:00

sighs.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1165507704216213072006-12-08T00:04:00.000+08:002006-12-08T00:08:24.226+08:00

i don't think i'm strong enough for this. but i try. someone once told me, or i read it somewhere, that, you are stronger than you really think. so i hope this is really true. i pray for it. this is very difficult. but it's something that i have to think positively about. everything happens for a reason. and i hope that soon, hopefully very soon, that i will know what the reason is, so i can

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1163691718615664522006-11-16T23:17:00.000+08:002006-11-16T23:41:58.660+08:00

if you don't know...what's the one thing i've been wishing hard for, which is not for myself,where's the one place i want to explore,what's the one thing i do when i'm angry,what's the one incident in my past i wished never happened,what are my views on friendship,what characteristics present in a person that i respect the most,where i want to go in a year's time,what my dreams are,what's my

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1163609856768158532006-11-16T00:56:00.000+08:002006-11-16T00:57:36.776+08:00

HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!and.. even though i'm a day late.. well, okay, two days late since it's after midnight,HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISTINE!!!and we have to do this again. i forgot how much fun we can have together =P

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1163523054035773642006-11-14T23:51:00.000+08:002006-11-15T00:51:59.236+08:00

Somewhere Over The RainbowSomewhere over the rainbow isn't it amazing how you make me so deliriously happyWay up high without knowing it?And the dreams that you dream of and i know you are amused too.Once in a lullaby admit it.Somewhere over the rainbow you changed so much.Blue birds fly as much as i've grown,And the dreams that you dream of i see you've found a lighter side to yourself.Really do

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1161191680803753532006-10-19T01:08:00.000+08:002006-10-19T01:14:40.816+08:00

this is quite cool. my last entry was the 111th entry, written on the 11th of october. and my favourite number is eleven. that was totally random but an interesting observation. i've written that many entries. wow. anyway, the reason i'm up late and blogging at such an ungodly hour (the blogging thing is weird, since i'm always un plate anyway), is because i have a strong gut feeling about

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1160579852047872032006-10-11T23:02:00.000+08:002006-10-11T23:17:32.060+08:00

Happy Birthday To Me. i'm blogging. no idea why. anyway, today was pleasant. ha. pleasant. since when have i used that word to describe anything? anyway. today was pleasant.THANKS- elf. who called me exactly at 12 midnight to wish me happy birthday all the way from... well, wherever she's from. and farhann. it took much effort for me to pick up the call. was dead tired. but it was worth it. =)-

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1160396702614849822006-10-09T20:24:00.000+08:002006-10-09T20:25:02.623+08:00

One day, a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1157818524301303272006-09-09T21:54:00.000+08:002006-09-10T00:17:42.346+08:00

i might have said this. but i believe truly that everything happens for a reason. whatever trials u face in life make u stronger. the choices u make now determine your future. it's a real fact. i am selfish, i know. but i don't want u to end it. i believe too much in fairytales, and u are the only other person i know who believes in them too. it's this innocence that i want you to hold on to. so

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1156947205828526712006-08-30T22:03:00.000+08:002006-08-30T22:13:25.840+08:00

as of now, i refuse to be bothered by anything other than my future (or rather, my a's), my family and my closest friends. i deem these as the most important things in my life right now and if anything else does not fall into that category, then well, it's just too bad ain't it? things will just have to wait.i am not a weak-willed person. i just choose my battles well. and i'll fight if i'm

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1156054571423756922006-08-20T14:10:00.000+08:002006-08-20T14:16:11.433+08:00

taking a walk down memory lane is not all that it's cracked up to be. having made contacts with contacts that were lost is not always a good thing. why are some people constantly in search of long lost friends? they are long lost. leave it be. it hurts. so bad. and so unexpectedly. i walked away from that life two years ago. and now it's staring back at me, right in my face. mocking me.

ellienoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1155058179438591072006-08-09T01:17:00.000+08:002006-08-09T01:29:39.490+08:00

i have 8 hours to come up with a solution to a problem that has many complicated issues that i have definitely never experienced. a problem that is at the very least five years ahead of me. coupled with another that is ten years ahead. so what do i do? the responsibility entrusted onto me in a mere two seconds forces me to think of ways and means, with the zilch experience that i have, to resolve

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1154364647306713902006-08-01T00:05:00.000+08:002006-08-01T00:50:47.386+08:00

what happens if you are faced with a life changing moment. do you panic? or do you stay calm? would you need time to think? or do you already know the answer in a split second? are you able to allow yourself a change of life? or are you happy with the one you are leading? what if you walk into a total disaster? what then?"it's my life." is it ever? can u safely say that you are able to detatch

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1150122265887149502006-06-12T22:23:00.000+08:002006-06-12T22:24:25.900+08:00

i am sick of beigng the puppet.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1144427704822111672006-04-07T23:40:00.000+08:002006-04-09T22:16:16.573+08:00

When you are thrown into the big unknown, you have no expectations whatsoever. It is during this time in which anything good that happens be thought of as a blessing, and anything bad would be taken in your stride, almost unnoticed.However, when you allow yourself to be thrown into a situation you have expectations. The danger is having too low of an expectation, because while it may seem less

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1142345586139556652006-03-14T21:58:00.000+08:002006-03-14T22:13:06.190+08:00

it has been a while. two years or more of pure confusion, and now, finally, enlightenment. it was indeed a long wait. for me to settle what needs settling. and then, it suddenly hit me. yesterday. monday, thirteenth of march, the year two thousand and six.what i learnt from this is that sometimes you just have to wait things out. there are times when you need to find things out yourself, and

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1138898561630933592006-02-03T00:41:00.000+08:002006-02-06T21:07:51.523+08:00

thoughts

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1138563565089737672006-01-30T03:32:00.000+08:002006-01-30T03:39:25.090+08:00

it is three thirty-six in the morning. i am still up. i wonder why. maybe it was the coffee. uh oh. six and a half hours more before meeting a friend. three hundred and ninety minutes.twenty-three thousand and four hundred seconds. this is how crazy i get. i need to sleep!

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1138562699571436242006-01-30T03:22:00.000+08:002006-01-30T03:27:38.930+08:00

We will part, soon. But now, we pause in our tracks, looking aroundIn hopes of seeing something familiar,Something safe that we could grab on hold toAnd never let go.We stood, unspoken.Listening to the birds chirping, The whispering of trees above the wind,The beating of our own hearts,And all silent thoughts. Desperation was evident.We were getting nearer, Yet much farther,From where the track

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1134915694658310612005-12-18T22:19:00.000+08:002005-12-18T22:21:34.660+08:00

not good.almost always.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1134915558598641932005-12-18T21:45:00.000+08:002005-12-18T22:19:20.720+08:00

phew. it has been a tiring few days since my brother came back. not that i'm complaining of course. just that i could do with a little bit more rest. on the bright side, i get to see BIG, pretty, shiny diamonds!!! =)

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1133877004744036532005-12-06T21:26:00.000+08:002005-12-06T21:50:04.796+08:00

why is it that things get so complicatedwhen it doesn't always have to bewhen the answer to simplicityscreams in your face?would things have been easier if speculation had not arisenwhen all that counted was what happenedand not what you wish or want to happen?why do words hurt so muchwhen a single one brings about so little meaningbut a whole bunch, when repeated, stabs youand could almost kill?

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1133712489129129122005-12-04T23:35:00.000+08:002005-12-05T23:11:34.456+08:00

sometimes things you'd never expect comes right back and hits you right smack in the face. i had 2 of such experiences in the span of one week. and it's pretty emotional to say the very least. i did not shed tears uncontrollably. it's more that i felt some pretty strong emotions and they were beyond overwhelming. i hold strong to the believe that things happen for a reason. and i guess friday was

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1132590555359366992005-11-22T00:28:00.000+08:002005-11-22T00:29:15.370+08:00

funnybunnies! i'm still waiting

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1132243772428132522005-11-17T23:54:00.000+08:002005-11-18T00:09:32.470+08:00

things happen for a reason. that's what they all say. but that thought only strikes you when you have experienced those things that make you both weaker and stronger at the same time. weaker because you are at your most vulnerable. stronger because you know somehow you will survive the pain. or the discomfort. or that something nasty. it's different for everyone. you live through some, reacting

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1131779593718389922005-11-12T15:06:00.000+08:002005-11-12T15:13:13.720+08:00

it shouldnt be this bad. or this difficult. how can you be forced to control something which is way beyond your control? to solve problems you never knew existed? to find the solutions which you have no access to? not because you are incapable. but because to even begin would mean that you would first have to lose everything you hold dear. even to the extend of who you truly are. but you are

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1130600150090859042005-10-29T23:33:00.000+08:002005-10-29T23:35:51.676+08:00

perchance there will be a full moon tonight? i would sing in the windand dance on the clouds.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1127831759454331212005-09-27T22:25:00.000+08:002005-09-27T22:35:59.463+08:00

today was eventful. but not in a good way. stress. that topic came up in class again today. i guess that's just some of the things that a student can't run away from. you've got to deal with it. heads on. that doesn't mean i'm not freaked out though. i let out part of a skeleton out of the closet today. never the whole thing though. never did. i don't think i ever will.and i did what i hate doing

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1127652618874744122005-09-25T20:26:00.000+08:002005-09-25T20:50:18.916+08:00

late nights do not sit very well with me. they have a particularly disasterous effect on me the very next day. and a few days after that. so, i should stop. i should. but i don't think i'll be doing that anytime soon. at least not today.i should also study. i'm in a freaking-out mood already. i will. as soon as i have exhausted all excuses i have for myself with regards to the usage of my

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1126966328073394002005-09-17T22:04:00.000+08:002005-09-17T22:16:35.843+08:00

she left two days ago. before dawn on a thursday morning.and i didn't even send her off. because i was too lazy to get out of bed. she came in to say goodbye. and i didnt even say anything back. although i heard every word. then she left. and left a note. she said that maybe the reason it was so easy to inform them of her plans was that the fact might have not registered in them yet. they have

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1126625218312322862005-09-13T23:18:00.000+08:002005-09-13T23:26:58.316+08:00

yesterday was a not-so-good day. well. that was over. so today, is a better day. i just realised how amazingly productive it was to actually study in school. hmmm. and i guess that study bug followed me all the way home, because i was doing work up till 11pm. non-stop. of course with the occasional glance at the tv. but i actually did work! wow =)

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1126281237459620992005-09-09T23:52:00.000+08:002005-09-09T23:53:57.463+08:00

this is getting mentally exhausting. maybe you could stop for a while? give me some room to breathe? and i'm not even talking about studies.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1125930319031895452005-09-05T21:47:00.000+08:002005-09-05T22:58:51.913+08:00

"Ignorance is Bliss"how true. secrets don't trickle outor spill outthey gush outtoo fasttoo quicklyuntil the only thing you can dois surrender yourself to the 'truth'and drown in them.and almost immediatelythe world changesthings can never be as they were beforepurewhiteinnocent.no. those were all lies.half truthsexagerratedstretchedit's amazing how people build facadesday after daybut facades

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1125675720700754242005-09-02T23:38:00.000+08:002005-09-02T23:42:00.706+08:00

been having a couple of bad days since i last fell ill. actually a lot. too many in too short a time. i'm pretty sure it's because i haven't completely recovered. and that i haven't regained the energy that i've lost. or i might have just been delusional. and that this is a horrid excuse.4 days in 3 weeks. pretty harsh i must say. and i know exactly what they were all about. nasty.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1125147986533759112005-08-27T20:51:00.000+08:002005-08-27T21:06:27.283+08:00

i came to a realisation.no. my sister made me come to a realisation. she's going to leave for dubai early next month. and will only be coming back in time for my brother's wedding. and if we are both right, she'll get married next year too. and if she's going to leave for canada, or get married, whichever comes first, this next two weeks will be the last time she'll be living with mom and dad.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1124289019716036122005-08-17T22:29:00.000+08:002005-08-17T22:30:19.723+08:00

lalala

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1124117452104217302005-08-15T22:46:00.000+08:002005-08-15T22:50:52.110+08:00

haven't being having good days lately. been dissapointing myself. in so many ways. i'm coping. have always been coping. just feels like the stress might be getting to me a little. but that's not the point. that's not really why i feel this bad.i just have this nagging feeling like i could have done things better. or different. or that i might turn back time and go through the whole day again. i'm

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1123576602264724922005-08-09T16:21:00.000+08:002005-08-09T16:36:42.310+08:00

alright. i'm back at square one. i've got decisions to make. but i cant make them not knowing what i want to do first. and time is not always my friend. i have 2 weeks. 14 days. 336 hours. 20160 minutes. 1209600 seconds. to decide.wow.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1123346840113275082005-08-07T00:39:00.000+08:002005-08-28T01:17:12.276+08:00

the sky's still blueand the grass's still green.but something doesn't feel quite right at the moment. like a jigsaw puzzle fitted in wrongly,a variation of a secret ingredient,a wrong chemical Xa hair not in placea picture taken from a different angel.something just doesnt feel quite right. andi don't know how to say no,and when to shut upand when to even start talkingand when to say what i might

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1119360862395614352005-06-21T21:27:00.000+08:002005-06-21T21:41:27.523+08:00

"Lost, yesterday, somewhere between Sunrise and Sunset, two golden hours, each set with sixty diamond minutes. No reward is offered, for they are gone forever."- Horace Manni guess that is a continuous struggle. dealing with the lost hours between sunrise and sunset. day after day, week after week. we are constantly chasing time. constantly losing. but i guess the fact of the matter is not how

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1117196380675292732005-05-27T20:15:00.000+08:002005-05-27T20:19:40.700+08:00

it was not easy looking. trying hard not to stare. after all these years. it was unexpected how things somehow appear from nowhere. and funny how things work out sometimes. i am not selfish. if i had been, the situation would have been vastly different. but fate, destiny works quirkily. in their own little quirky world. i still feel it though. it's not a nice emotion. but i guess that why

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1116862502349848892005-05-23T23:33:00.000+08:002005-05-23T23:35:02.353+08:00

I WIN THE BET!!!I WIN! I WIN! I WIN! WAHAHA =)dinner at a hotel, here i come! april's the date. BIG day people!

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1116775849095396872005-05-22T23:27:00.000+08:002005-05-22T23:36:14.533+08:00

so much has changed as they remained the same. and things are not always as they seem. curiously. it's so nice right now. =)

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1115815463871952122005-05-11T19:51:00.000+08:002005-06-21T21:42:24.830+08:00

"Friends. A simple word isn't it? It's uttered everyday to almost every person imaginable. Who are your friends? I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. Now I know that friends aren't that, they're the people that touch ur heart. You could spend hours with them doing nothing at all and it can be the best time of your life, just becuase it was with them.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1114952983983720012005-05-01T20:42:00.000+08:002005-06-21T21:41:52.070+08:00

"O time! thou must untangle this, not I;It is too hard a knot for me to untie!"- William Shakespearethis is not easy. at all. i won't toss a coin.. i won't toss a coin.. i won't toss a coin..

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1114169966692335982005-04-22T18:59:00.000+08:002005-04-22T19:50:14.480+08:00

Nothing mattered much. Nothing much mattered. And the less it mattered, the less it mattered. It was never important enough. Because Worse Things had happened.Arundhati Royi know for a long time that i don't really know what i want in life. but i now know what i do not want. and i don't want to - look back in my life and not have much to say about it- live my life based on someone else's

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1113828764533567852005-04-18T20:46:00.000+08:002005-04-18T20:52:44.533+08:00

It is an error to say that the eyes have expression. Eyebrows, eyelids, lips, the planes of the face, all these are indicators of emotion. The eyes are merely coloured liquid in a glass. - Barbara VinesLife means more than just education, career and family. It means more than just the mundane the usual 9-5 jobs at least 3 fifths of the world is leading. I believe in that. I know that there is

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1113575777459506102005-04-15T22:34:00.001+08:002005-04-15T22:36:17.460+08:00

learnt lots of new things today.not entirely great. but i'll live. like i always do. =)

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1113129594471042902005-04-10T18:36:00.000+08:002005-04-10T18:39:54.473+08:00

i'm gonna lose my bet. i have till the 13th of feb. and another 6 months. if someone is kind enough. time is running out. and... my sister thinks of getting married by the end of this year. wrong couple people!

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1112617676861758462005-04-04T20:23:00.000+08:002005-04-04T20:27:56.863+08:00

"you type out the details of your day, as if the whole world wants to know"there was a conversation i was involved in. all those Grown-Ups were talking about work, accomodation, money, education. does our life really revolve around this few things? if i have to grow up in a world where time is not my friend and almost all emotions are not to be revealed then i don't feel like growing up at all.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1112359037825666632005-04-01T20:36:00.000+08:002005-04-01T20:37:17.826+08:00

April Fools!~expectaions. loadsturn out. nil

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1110458882460478682005-03-11T12:15:00.000+08:002005-03-10T20:48:02.463+08:00

i'm finding myself trapped in a hole i can't get out of. i never realised i was sucked into the hole in the first place. afterall, i pride myself in my ability to shut my feelings albeit the strong feelings i may feel. however, i just realised that i when i least expect it, i do things my heart tells me to but not my mind. i feel things i should not and do not want to feel. i guess there are

ellienoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5655502.post-1109348689701088052005-02-26T16:21:00.000+08:002005-02-26T00:24:49.700+08:00

OPENING NIGHTnerve-wrecking. uncomfortable. good. lovely. success. blue rose. tiring.very tired.i no longer speak.

ellienoreply@blogger.com0